“Let no man pull you so low as to hate him.” — Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr.
I worry about our country. While there are many challenges, I believe the most fundamental is the decline in kindness, respect, humility and decency in how we treat others. Much of it is centered around politics, but not exclusively. Dehumanizing others seems to have become increasingly acceptable and impacts personal health and relationships, while teaching our children unhealthy behaviors. Author Kurt Vonnegut observes, “Hate, in the long run, is about as nourishing as cyanide.”
I don’t want to exaggerate; there is still a lot of kindness among family, friends and even strangers. I love the podcast series “My Unsung Hero,” which delivers short segments produced by Hidden Brain Media that appear on NPR. In these powerful stories, people recall ways that others — most often strangers — did something that touched them profoundly and positively impacted their lives.
While kindness is still around, most people would agree that there is less of it than there used to be. I remember television’s Mr. Fred Rogers telling children to be kind to one another, but many think it is perfectly OK these days to demean other people. Disrespect and distrust are impacting schools, workplaces and public spaces. Rudeness on our highways is one example.
Every year after Christmas, my church has a special Watchword service where people pick Bible passages at random and contemplate their significance. Many share personal stories in an intimate and meaningful way, speaking from the heart with authenticity and vulnerability. Invariably, some of these stories bring tears to my eyes. Later, some put their Watchword reflections in writing, and these are shared during the advent season.
At one Watchword service, I picked a passage from Psalm 85 that reads in part: “Steadfast love and faithfulness will meet; righteousness and peace will kiss each other.” A quaint but important idea. I love the hymn “Let There Be Peace on Earth and Let It Begin with Me.” We sometimes think of peace in the abstract, but those lyrics bring it close to home, putting the obligation on me.
While written for a general audience, my book “Beyond the Politics of Contempt: Practical Steps to Build Positive Relationships in Divided Times” includes some scripture, too. “Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you” (Luke 6:27) is a central idea of the book. Arthur Brooks expands on this idea in his book “Love Your Enemies: How Decent People Can Save America from the Culture of Contempt.” He writes, “I want something more radical and subversive than civility and tolerance, something that speaks to the heart’s desire . . . And not just love for friends and those who agree with me, but rather, love for those who disagree with me as well.”
I agree that civility and tolerance are too low a standard. But love is pretty high, a big reach for all but the very best of us. Instead, I settle for dignity and respect. Dignity and respect for others is not quite love, but is still certainly a big reach!
But what does dignity and respect look like in a practical way? It starts with being more aware of how we think and talk about others, including people with different political opinions. That sounds simple, but I know it is not always easy. One great resource is the national organization Braver Angels (braverangels.org) which has many free workshops online and in person with an active group here in New Hampshire.
Principles like loving your enemies (or at least treating them with dignity and respect) seem so quaint the way our politics is working these days. Contempt for those who think differently has become increasingly mainstream, especially on social media. I worry that we are teaching our children that hate is perfectly OK and wonder how this will filter down to the future generations who will lead our special country.
Business owners and managers can have a big impact by creating a positive climate and making it normal to have positive and respectful conversations about difficult topics. By embracing dignity and respect, your business can be more successful, and you will be modeling behavior that can positively impact our country for the better.
We each have an extraordinary opportunity to make a difference in people’s lives, including our own. Don’t underestimate your impact!
Douglass P. Teschner, founder of Growing Leadership LLC, can be reached at dteschner@growingleadershipllc.com.
The New England Council recently hosted a forum in Boston exploring some of the incredible innovation in our region focused on the early detection of diseases. We heard about some of the remarkable advances in technology that are enabling earlier detection of everything from cancer to Alzheimer’s disease.
In medicine, we are trained to diagnose problems at their source. If a patient presents with symptoms, we look beyond the surface to understand the underlying cause. The same principle applies to our health care system — and right now, the diagnosis is clear.
I worry about our country. While there are many challenges, I believe the most fundamental is the decline in kindness, respect, humility and decency in how we treat others. Much of it is centered around politics, but not exclusively
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