Overcoming differences

Pondering graceful aging amid a life setback

I begin with a shout-out to John Broderick for his column “Red state, blue state or one state” in this publication’s October 17 issue. As Broderick wrote, the Charlie Kirk killing is but the latest incident of political violence feeding anger, fear and distrust. We need to step back to foster national introspection on how to better transcend political differences.

I am fully committed to this effort through my volunteer work with Braver Angels, the national citizen’s movement working to bridge the political divide, and my new book “Beyond the Politics of Contempt: Practical Steps to Build Positive Relationships in Divided Times.” We cannot take our beautiful country for granted. It has given me wonderful life opportunities, and I sure hope the same for my children, grandchildren and future generations.

We can each act in ways that build more trust, kindness, respect and humility. While many are fearful about our nation’s future, our book offers hopeful ways to better our lives, our relationships and our country. We also have a “Together Across Differences” Substack newsletter.

One month after book publication, I had an October 8 stroke and spent two nights in the hospital. I was incredibly lucky with quick, skilled help and relatively minor symptoms. While in the hospital, I was able to watch the celebration of life for my friend Peter Yarrow of Peter, Paul, and Mary fame. I wrote a story in the book about meeting Peter in Ukraine with a photo of me and him singing “If I Had a Hammer.” He later introduced me to Braver Angels.

Two weeks post-stoke, with assistance from neurologist/book co-author Beth and speech therapist Alex, I was a panelist at the live NH Public Radio event “The Middle” in Concord. The topic was how to talk with people with whom you disagree politically. Recent speaking events with my book co-authors have included Dartmouth College and in New York City.

Despite the stoke, I am fully committed to do my part to offer hopeful ways to better our lives, our relationships and our country. But I am also reflecting on my life journey and future energy. This stroke is an adjustment, a kind of wakeup call. Of course, life is always subject to change and none of us lives forever. At age 76, I work at staying healthy, but so did my brother David who died from cancer at age 71. So far, I have been lucky, and maybe I still am, as the stroke symptoms were relatively minor.

It is natural to have nagging doubts about the future but also to consider, as therapist Kristen suggests, to ease back and ask if tiredness is a kind of healing. What do I choose to let go of to balance restorative and depleting tasks? I have always been pretty good at setting boundaries, but maybe I need to better manage my energy.

Other good advice from Kristen is to approach each experience on its own and don’t over-categorize it. Hiking and skiing have always been a big part of my identity, and I have high hopes to continue as long as possible, but invariably there will be harder days. Will l climb Mt. Washington in 2026 like I did last summer? Time will tell, but I surely won’t forever. This will be an ongoing journey, pushing myself physically, emotionally and spiritually.

In 2022, Appalachia journal published my story “Pondering Graceful Aging on Table Mountain, South Africa — A Septuagenarian Rock Climber Reflects on his Past and Future.” Now I find myself pondering graceful aging on a more existential level. These words ring true from that article: “I am trying to embrace this spirit as a daily graceful aging practice: to find the right balance of letting go (but not too much), pushing (but not too hard), going with the flow (but also sometimes swimming against the current). It is vital to fully appreciate the half-full glass while also working to sustain as much of it for as long as possible. A little gratitude can go a long way.”

But I can’t have too much rest. Bridging the political divide is vital to our country, so I need to keep working at it until my dying breath.

We each have an extraordinary opportunity to make a difference in people’s lives, including our own. Don’t underestimate your impact!

Douglass P. Teschner, founder of Growing Leadership LLC, can be reached at dteschner@growingleadershipllc.com.