Embrace vulnerability, humility

Core values help shape your life journey

Douglass P. Teschner

Since my October stroke and ongoing aging, I find myself thinking more about vulnerability and other important values such as humility. I think everyone should have a therapist and mine observed, “I wonder if you realize the importance your own simple presence serves in the lives of others.” She went on: “As you encounter change and uncertainty in the coming weeks and months, perhaps you can lead with the question, what would need to change to embrace or lean into vulnerability?” I think people (men especially) can be pretty uncomfortable when you talk about a concept like vulnerability. It may perhaps lead to insecurity and the inability to inspire the confidence of others. But this is often not the case. In her book “Dare to Lead,” author and public speaker Brené Brown describes the deep connection between courage and vulnerability, adding that daring leaders who live their values “are never silent about hard things.” Brown adds that value clarity “is an essential support, a North Star in times of darkness.”

I suggest setting aside some time to dig deep within yourself to better understand your emotions, thought processes and values. In our book, “Beyond the Politics of Contempt: Practical Steps to Build Positive Relationships in Divided Times,” we encourage people to write down their top values. My two co-authors and I include many personal stories to communicate our values and life journey. For example, there is an embarrassing photo of me hanging precariously near the Old Man of the Mountain in Franconia Notch!

I chose that 1974 photo (which also appears in our “Together Across Differences” substack) to highlight a difficult life experience that led to a new level of resilience and growth that carried me forward in ways that went far beyond rock climbing. Recalling that event, I came to understand how that experience many years ago was an important event that shaped my values and life.

Knowing your values can be very helpful to adopt a mindset of striving to stay open to other viewpoints and treating people with kindness and respect — even if we disagree with their opinions. Braver conversations require us to be vulnerable and can be an empowering means to positively influence others. Mónica Guzmán notes that persuasion “cannot work from shame. It cannot work from attack. It can only work from genuine, open, vulnerable conversations.”

In 2024, I attended a church service at All Saints by-the-Sea, a summer chapel in Southport, Maine. Mark Beckwith, a retired Episcopal bishop and Braver Angels faith leader, gave a sermon highlighting the difference between humility and humiliation — two very different words with the same root. Acting with humility is so important even if it seems out of fashion in these “us versus them” times. In our book, we ask if humility, courage, curiosity, vulnerability, empathy and authenticity are on your value list. Even the best among us struggle to consistently embrace these values, but they are important to consider as we undertake life’s journey.

Moral courage is often a necessary ally of vulnerability when facing popular opposition, indignity or risk to personal reputation. While we all admire courage in theory, enthusiasm may diminish when we actually need to apply it. After all, courage is risky and may put us at increased risk of being talked down to and possibly even feeling humiliated. When we get out of our comfort zone — for example, pushing back against certain ideas or perspectives from those on our own side of a political divide — this may feel very isolating.

For people in leadership roles, embracing core values is that much more important. Do we engage others in positive ways that they find inspiring, or does our leadership influence have a negative impact that deflates motivation? If we are a workplace leader, do we help maximize the potential of our staff or, instead, foster a climate that leads to them doing the minimum while watching the clock and looking for another job?

This is tough stuff, but it is important to consider ways to increase vulnerability, humility and courage in our daily living. We each have an extraordinary opportunity to make a difference in people’s lives, including our own. Don’t underestimate your impact!

Douglass P. Teschner, founder of Growing Leadership LLC, can be reached at dteschner@growingleadershipllc.com.