Honoring life mentors

Recalling a special man who shaped my life

On New Year’s Day, I received an unexpected phone call from where I grew up many years ago. Jim Brown, the youngest son of Rev. Bob Brown, asked me to share a few words at the celebration of life for his father who had died at age 91. I was honored and blessed to recall events that profoundly shaped who I am today. As I wrote in my new book:

“I have been incredibly blessed with a good life, including growing up in a loving family in Westborough, Massachusetts. This special community really cared, as was on full display after my father died in a car accident when I was only 14 years old. I attended church and Sunday school from an early age, which has had a lifelong impact. My mother always communicated to me and my two younger brothers that we could do whatever we wanted in life. She was an amazing influence on my life in so many ways.”

I wasn’t thinking about Bob Brown when I finalized the author bio in “Beyond the Politics of Contempt: Practical Steps to Build Positive Relationships in Divided Times.” But rereading that passage after Jim’s call, I realized that Bob Brown was everywhere in that text and reminded of the deep impact he had on my life. I have not lived in Westborough for more than 50 years since graduating from college and joining the Peace Corps in 1971. But the amazing power of Bob Brown still endures.

Bob exemplified Westborough as a special community and was an enormous support to my mother and family when father died. As the assistant minister of the Congregational Church, Bob was a positive role model who led the youth group. When I spoke at the service, I had the special opportunity to be back in that church, which has a 1964 plaque honoring my father. For many years, Bob honored my father by covering his grave with pine boughs in winter.

Bob also worked for many years with troubled youth, including at the state Lyman School where he encouraged church families to invite youth into our homes. When I decided to stop playing football after I got into mountain hiking, Bob encouraged my mother to send me to the Colorado Outward Bound School. I stayed in contact with Bob in the early 1980s when I ran wilderness trips for emotionally troubled youth. Bob invited me to attend Mass. Department of Youth Service training and even hired me to take some staff rock climbing.

Whenever visiting Westborough, I would stop by the Forbes Street home of Bob and his wife, Bobby, who were always so gracious and welcoming. My brothers were also touched by Bob, one writing that, “Some of the words Bob spoke to me 50 years ago have stayed with me until this day.”

As I was thinking of what to say at the January 10 service, I came to realize how much Bob had even influenced the contents of our book. He embraced a hopeful spirit and modeled treating others with kindness, dignity and respect.

While written for a general audience, the book includes some scripture. “Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you” (Luke 6:27) is a central idea. Bob called for us to live better, not in abstract terms, but in our everyday actions and behaviors. He was one of the most incredible and gracious people I have known — a truly amazing human being and model for my life.

At the packed church service, I shared some of the above thoughts and asked those attending to reflect on Bob’s many positive attributes. I offered this list of possibilities and challenged each person to consider one area to improve their life going forward:

Treat everyone with dignity and respect.

Show more humanity and humility. Express confidence in people. Be more curious and less judgmental of others.

Be present and give your undivided attention.

That last one is where I choose to focus more attention.

What about you? Who are people that touched your life in a positive, meaningful way? Take some time to reflect on what you learned and consider what you could do better. I am sure glad I did.

We each have an extraordinary opportunity to make a difference in people’s lives, including our own. Don’t underestimate your impact!

Douglass P. Teschner, founder of Growing Leadership LLC, can be reached at dteschner@Growing-LeadershipLLC.com.